In Through the Nose

This is TKHubband here, with my second-ever blog entry. So if you're wondering why this post seems a little different from the standard fare, that would be why.

Our monkey children tend to cry a lot. Maybe we're failing as parents, but I prefer to think it's genetic. Anyway, one tactic that T (TKHousewife) has used a lot to get the tears to stop is to get the sad little monkey in question to take a deep breath in through the nose and then let it out through the mouth. The trouble is that it doesn't work. Maybe it used to work at some point in the swirling mists of the distant past, but if it did, I have forgotten about it. T is nothing if not persistent, though, and so the monkeys are quite familiar with this ineffective technique. Who knows, maybe it works when Daddy isn't around.

The monkey children are currently aged 4 and 5. An interesting thing about kids that age is that they find potty humour supremely hilarious. T says that boys of ALL ages find potty humour funny, and there may be truth to that as well.

A few days ago, Monkey Boy was set off about something during dinner. I don't remember what it was, but he was inconsolable. I decided to try something new. I told him, very seriously, to take a deep breath in through his nose, which I demonstrated for him. He ignored me completely, to my utter unsurprise. Then I told him to let it out through his bum, at which point I made a long, loud raspberry. Yup, at the dinner table. The effect was instant and dramatic. Uncontrollable tears transformed into fits of laughter, and then to, "Again! Again!" from both of the monkeys.

I performed this breathing exercise a number of times, ending with a grand finale that involved thrashing wildly in my chair with the force of the primary gaseous release, followed by a few after shocks. Yeah, at the dinner table. I think T was laughing, too, or at least I hope she was. She hasn't left me yet at least.

In the days since then, "breathing out through my bum" has become a magical cure-all. Forget about sissy stuff like kissing it better. The phrase, "Take a deep breath in through your nose" is now 100% effective. The crying stops, and the monkey's eyes twinkle in anticipation of what's coming next. Ah, the power of potty humour. I should tell you sometime about how I made Monkey Girl laugh so hard that she actually threw up (yeah, I felt bad) by pretending, repeatedly, that she scared me so much that I peed my pants.