I have been 'hermitting' myself

Is that even a word? Hermitting? Making a hermit of oneself? Whatever. When I am stressed, I...well, hide, I guess.

My dear mother-in-law is battling cancer. This struck pretty much out of the blue. A year ago, she was fine. Now...not so much.

I feel very helpless. I do what I can, but I feel I'm failing her somehow. I want to pass on valuable information to the family, but I don't really have anything new to pass on. I want to ask intelligent questions to maybe help us understand what her 'health care team' are doing to help her, but I don't know what to ask.

I want to rant against the health care system. Surely they could be doing better. Surely if only they were doing something better, she would get better. But realistically, they are the trained ones. I am not trained in medicine, or cancer. I have to believe they know at least a little more than I do.

She's very optimistic. Very hopeful. Planning for the summer at home. I don't even know if she'll be going home. I have to believe, to have hope...but I am afraid.